


It's About You

by Dirade



Category: Brave (2012), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), ROTBTD - Fandom, Rise of The Brave Tangled Dragons - Fandom, Rise of the Guardians (2012), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Child Abuse, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Multi, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons, RotBTD, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Yaoi, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-05 06:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1808524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dirade/pseuds/Dirade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a new morning dawned, the sun's early light touched five lonely figures, each far away from each other, each with a secret.</p><p>The Big Four ( and Jamie) struggling through teenager-hood, heartbreak, metal incapacitation, and life in general. </p><p>Hardcore angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At First Light - Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> My legs are dangling off the edge,  
> The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,  
> I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.  
> My legs are dangling off the edge,  
> A stomach full of pills didn't work again,  
> I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.
> 
> \- 'Bullet', Hollywood Undead
> 
> ;;inspirational song;;

As a new morning dawned, the sun's early light touched five lonely figures, each far away from each other, each with a secret.

A boy with trembling hands, about to write his story.  
A girl sitting in a hospital, waiting to be released.  
A boy still asleep, pillow stained with tears.  
A girl in an alley, delirious and drugged.  
A boy locked in a basement, chains around his wrists.

And that, is where our story begins.


	2. The Boy With Trembling Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup and his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever loved somebody put your hands up  
> If you ever loved somebody put your hands up  
> And now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything  
> Said if you ever loved somebody put your hands up  
> If you ever loved somebody put your hands up  
> Now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything
> 
> \- 'Just a Dream', Nelly.
> 
> ;; starting all my chapters with song lyrics ;;

Hiccup noticed the early morning sun creeping across his hands as he sat on his bed, pen poised over his worn notebook, ready to write. As his eyes traveled across the page his hand trembled, like a bomb on the edge of explosion.

He was unsure what to write, afraid of what would happen if he did. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to write; he did. But it was just that...writing was dangerous. He knew that from personal experience ( hands stealing his notebook, laughter as the pages fluttered to the floor, ripped like bereft butterfly wings, eyes watching his desperate scramble to pick up the pieces of himself that had dropped to the floor ). 

But that was a story for another time, so he put it out of his mind, put pen to page, and wrote: ‘My name is Hiccup. And I think I’m in love with Jack Frost.’  
If his hand had been shaking before it was practically vibrating now, sending skittering, angry scratches across the page. He decided it would be best not to write anymore for the time being. He had to get to school, anyway.

Shoving his notebook into his backpack, he sprinted downstairs, almost tripping as he hurriedly put his shoes on, tying the laces in a messy double knot.  
His parents hadn’t come down yet, they rarely did this early in the morning, and he was always gone before they could even wish him luck ( which they rarely did anyway ). He preferred it this way, though. The rare quiet that filled the house, only present early in the morning or late at night, was more welcome than the sharp, quarreling voices of his parents.

As Hiccup slung his backpack over his shoulder, he debated having breakfast, something that normally populated his early hours. He decided against it, despite the protestations of his stomach. If he did eat he’d have to…

Hiccup shoved the thought out of his mind as he stepped into the brisk chill of the outside world.

As the bus rumbled into sight, he breathed in the crisp winter air. It smelled of snow, signs that the seasonal storm might be on the way. The large yellow vehicle gave a light screech as it stopped in front of him, partially blocking the cloudy sky. He sighed as he mounted the steps. School wasn’t exactly his favorite place.  
Looking down the aisle, he spotted a familiar tuft of white hair and gulped. Jack. 

Hiccup silently categorized him in his mind, recalling Jack’s short backstory.  
Jack Frost: white hair, blue eyes, typical teenage heartthrob, adored by all the girls. Moved to town about two years ago, quickly assimilated into the ‘popular’ clique. Plays almost every sport, and is good at all of them. High class jock. Rarely mixed with those of lower social status.  
Given these facts, Hiccup decided it would be best not to publicise his small, but rather poignant crush on him. Besides, he had enough fangirls as it was.

“Move it, fag.” Someone’s voice called as a foot bared Hiccup’s way. He ungracefully tripped over it and stumbled into the seat across from Jack. He felt pink tint his cheeks as said boy turned from the window, piercing blue eyes blank and emotionless. Hiccup raised a hand in a waving gesture, smiling sheepishly. Jack gave a small, half-hearted smile in return.

‘He smiled at me!’ Hiccup shouted in his head as Jack turned back to the pane of glass. ‘Score!’

As the bus started to move again Hiccup peered at the other boy out of the corner of his eyes. Even though Jack was part of ‘that’ crowd, Hiccup liked to think that maybe, just maybe, he was a nice person deep down. He wasn’t sure if it was simply the pretty face that fooled him, but sometimes he swore he could see something more humane in those icy hues. 

He recalled a few times the jocks had ganged up on nerds like himself, himself included. While Jack hadn’t done anything to stop his ‘ friends’, he hadn’t joined in either.  
They said the eyes were the window to the soul, and Hiccup knew this to be true. So, he tried to judge people by their eyes, and when Jack watched his friends mess with other kids his eyes did not say contempt, or laughter. They screamed regret, sadness, sympathy. At least, that was what Hiccup liked to think.

He glanced over at Jack to see him still staring out the window, oblivious to the world around him. As the brunette watched, Jack’s hand reached down to his other wrist, massaging the skin there. Hiccup’s eyes went wide as he looked at the now exposed skin. Pale at the edges, rubbed red and raw around the wrists, the skin torn and inflamed. As if he sensed Hiccup’s wandering eyes, Jack turned to look at him, noticing the gaze upon his wrists. He quickly pulled the sleeve of his hoodie down, covering the violent marks. 

As Hiccup hastily turned back to the window, he had only one thought in mind:  
What happened to Jack?

\- - - - 

When they arrived at school Jack put his backpack over one shoulder and pushed into the throng of people exiting the bus. Hiccup watched, thinking about what he had seen. 

Those marks on his wrist hadn’t been self made; he knew enough about self harm to tell that Jack had been hurt by some outside force. Not to mention it hadn’t looked like cuts, hadn’t looked like an injury made with a knife or other sharp object. It was something more abrasive, a rip instead of a tear.  
It reminded Hiccup of one day when he was younger, only a kid, playing on the swings with a friend ( back when he still had them ). He had his wrists wrapped in the chains that held the swing up, and after he had tumbled to the ground after an especially hard push, the chain had twisted around his wrist, pulling the skin painfully. He had ended up with his skin torn in a few places, and where it wasn’t it was rubbed raw, layers of skin stripped from the surface of his bones. That’s what Jack’s wrists had looked like. But what could have caused it?

Hiccup knew for a fact that Jack didn’t randomly go play on swings ( he was far too old and internally aged to do that ). Also, Jack had purposely hid his wrists from Hiccup, which meant something; Hiccup just didn’t know what.

As the questions tumbled through his mind, Hiccup entered the school, still in deep thought. 

“Whoah!”

“Ow!”

Both Hiccup and a mysterious girl exclaimed when they collided.

As his books scattered across the floor Hiccup called out a hasty apology to the stranger, but only saw a flash of blonde hair as she was absorbed by the crowd. He scrambled across the floor, rushing to pick up his books before…

“Looking for this, faggot?” A rough voice jeered. A burly figure twice the size of Hiccup’s scrawny frame loomed above him, holding his notebook in meaty fingers.

“Give it back!” Hiccup heard his own voice say.

“No.” The boy leaned forward, grinning evilly. “Heads up!” He hollered as he tossed the book to one of his friends.

Hiccup stumbled around the circle of laughing faces as his notebook was tossed over his head, until it was, mercifully, thrown to the ground. As Hiccup crouched down to retrieve the item he felt a sharp pain in his side as a foot met with his ribcage, more laughter penetrating through the ringing in his ears. He felt his face flush, although whether it was from shame or anger he wasn’t sure. The crowd dispersed, leaving Hiccup alone in the hallway as silence overtook the voice’s of Hiccup’s tormentors. As the quiet became absolute, Hiccup’s thoughts took the forefront in his mind, overriding all outside all outside sounds, sights, senses.  
A thousand disjointed scenes went through his mind, crashing, colliding, exploding inside him.

Jack’s wrists.  
Running into the girl.  
Being teased.  
His parents.  
The names:  
fag.  
wimp.  
scum.  
brat.  
freak.  
freak.  
FREAK.  


Hiccup’s body went on auto-mode, heading towards the nearest boy’s bathroom. As his footsteps echoed in the empty room, he looked at himself as if from afar. It was a bad coping mechanism, that was for sure. But as voices in his head grew louder, he found he didn’t really care.

As the door clicked shut and the stall’s lock slid into place, Hiccup re-entered his body and saw through his own eyes again. Then the voices became so loud, and so he knelt down in front of the toilet and stuck his fingers down his throat. Naturally. He gagged weakly before withdrawing his fingers and retching into the smooth porcelain.  
And his mind was quiet, silenced by what he had done. And if someone asked, which no one ever did, he would have have described it as almost peaceful. Looks like he hadn’t needed to skip breakfast after all, he thought absurdly, mind in a delirious state of calm. 

He wiped his mouth and stood, thinking about the previous occurrences. He couldn’t say he regretted it; that would be a lie. After all, it wasn’t the first time he’d done something like this, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

He rinsed his mouth out and put one of his many stored, stale mints in his mouth, things he kept just for occasions like this.  
He couldn’t help it when he got like this. When everything that had ever happened was suddenly on constant, violent repeat in his mind. Sometimes he just needed to get it out. And this was the way he did it.Throwing up his feelings, some might say. But he couldn’t help it. It had never seemed like such a bad idea when he had started, but now it was something like a drug.

Sometimes, it felt like his life was a black hole. 

He had dug the hole himself, and as he went deeper and deeper it got harder and harder to even think about trying to climb back out. It was dangerous, down in the darkness. He couldn’t see where he was heading, tripped over things along the way. But something told him it was safer down in the dark, because coming out of the black abyss meant going back into the light. The light where he could be seen, judged. The light hurt his eyes, after so long spent underground. Better to stay in the dark, he decided. And besides, he was only doing little exploring, right? Testing his options. Not time to be worried yet.  
So Hiccup stayed in the darkness. Just him and the endless black.

And as he walked out of the bathroom and back into the bustle of school, he remembered that morning, the sunlight and his fingers.  
So as he walked he tugged his sleeves down, just as Jack had done this morning ( like Hiccup had a secret too ), hiding his still shaking hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being an evil author is absolutely exhausting. Next up.... RAPUNZEL


	3. The Girl In The Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel being Rapunzel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're taking each step one day at a time  
> You can't lose your spirit  
> Let live and let live forget and forgive  
> It's all how you see it  
> And just remember keep it together  
> Don't you know you're never alone 
> 
> 'cause when you're in your darkest hour  
> And all of the light just fades away  
> When you're like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of gray  
> Well hang on, and be strong 
> 
> -'Be Strong' ,Delta Goodrem

“Ow!” Rapunzel exclaimed as she smashed into someone.

As she turned away she glanced back as he tried to pick up his books. Scrawny and freckled, she remembered him and his name: Hiccup. Bad name, if you asked her, but she was named after a vegetable herself, so she couldn’t pass too much judgement. He was nice, she supposed, but constantly tormented by bullies, and right now she couldn’t risk helping him and bringing more attention to herself. She had to act cool. Blend.

After all, it was her first day back after her parents had taken her out to stay at the hospital. More on that later. 

‘237...238...239...240!’ Rapunzel thought as she entered said room for her first day of class in over a month. She hated that she had to start almost half way through the school year, but at least she had attended school before. For a while, at least.

As she saw the many faces and facets of the classroom, she felt the familiar panic rise in her chest. Breathe, breathe, in out, in ,out. She chanted this mantra to herself, remembering what her therapist had told her: calm down and remember to breath. Deep breaths.

She quickly choose a seat in the back of the classroom, not wanting to be noticed just yet. She was almost to her seat when a voice rang out behind her. So much for not being noticed…

“Rapunzel?” Miss. Corain’s sharp voice asked.

Turning, Rapunzel replied, “Yeah, that’s me”, giving a small, half-hearted smile. Miss. Corain looked down her long, pointed nose at the blonde.

“I see you’ve returned to us.” Rapunzel nodded. “You’ve only missed about month’s worth of work.” The teacher continued. Again, Rapunzel nodded, deciding it was best to stay silent. 

She had never really liked Miss. Corain, with her too-tight bun and small, reflective glasses that reminded her of bug eyes. Now she liked her even less. Seeing the conversation was going no further, the teacher stalked away, finding new prey, leaving Rapunzel with the many staring eyes of her classmates.

Digging her nails into the palms of her hand, she returned to the back of the classroom, wishing she couldn’t feel the stares. She always felt like people were watching her, judging her.

Sighing, she sank into the hard plastic that served as her seat. She. Hated. School.

Feeling a new pair of eyes upon her, she turned to see a young boy with soft brown hair and warm hazel eyes. He had apparently also chosen a seat in the back; which made sense because she had never seen him before. A new kid.  
Taking a deep breath, Rapunzel put on her brightest smile and turned to face the new boy fully. Might as well welcome before he heard the rumors.

“Hi! My name’s Rapunzel. Are you new here?”

The boy looked slightly startled, but almost immediately put on a kind smile, reaching out his hand for her to shake. “Yeah.” He said. “Today’s my first day.”

“Mine too! Well…” Rapunzel broke eye contact. “Since about a month ago, anyway.”

He looked puzzled but said no more, which Rapunzel appreciated greatly. Maybe she could learn to like this guy. And maybe, just maybe, he would concede to being her friend.

“Anyway, what’s your name?” Rapunzel asked, changing the topic.

“Jamie. Jamie Bennett.”

A nice name, Rapunzel thought, suits him. Suddenly, a rougher voice yelled out:  
“Careful, she might be contagious!”

Rapunzel felt heat crawl up her face, and she looked down to the ground.

“What’s that about?” Jamie asked carefully. “Who are they, anyway?”

“Just some stupid guys.” Rapunzel replied, pleasantly surprised he was still talking to her. “I…” She trailed off. “It’s a long story.”

“You think…” Jamie hesitated. “Well...you think maybe we could eat lunch together? And you can tell me about it then. I mean, I don’t have any other friends...you know, if that would be okay with you.” He looked up at her hopefully.

“Course!” Rapunzel answered brightly. “But I’m warning you, I’m a bit of a freak.”

At this Jamie smiled slightly, chocolate eyes crinkling at the edges. “Isn’t everyone.”

And although Rapunzel didn’t notice at the time, he subconsciously rubbed his wrists, smile fading just barely.

As MIss. Corain started to speak again, Rapunzel thought about the reason her parents had sent her to the hospital. Panic attacks. She just hoped Jamie wouldn’t judge her too quickly. All she really wanted was a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. Got a little friendly neighborhood Jamunzel ( ? ) Rapunzie ( ?) in there. Yeah. I feel so special you guys OHMIGOD thank you to everyone who read this and gave kudos!


	4. The Boy Still Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie meets Merida and then gets sad again. Trigger warning for self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a look at my body  
> Look at my hands  
> There's so much here  
> That I don't understand
> 
> Your face saving promises  
> Whispered like prayers  
> I don't need them
> 
> I've been treated so wrong  
> I've been treated so long  
> As if I'm becoming untouchable
> 
> Contempt loves the silence  
> It thrives in the dark  
> With fine winding tendrils  
> That strangle the heart
> 
> They say that promises  
> Sweeten the blow  
> But I don't need them  
> No, I don't need them
> 
> I've been treated so wrong  
> I've been treated so long  
> As if I'm becoming untouchable
> 
> I'm a slow dying flower  
> Frost killing hour  
> The sweet turning sour  
> And untouchable
> 
> Oh, I need  
> The darkness  
> The sweetness  
> The sadness  
> The weakness  
> Oh, I need this  
> \- 'My Skin', Natalie Merchant
> 
> ;; these are getting longer... :/ ;;

Jamie nervously searched the lunchroom for Rapunzel’s familiar blonde hair. Speaking of which, Jamie thought was incredibly long. I mean, what kind of person grows hair down to their knees? It made Jamie wonder if she had ever had a haircut in her life. But that was a subject for another time, Jamie thought, as he spotted her, already seated at a table near one of the many spacious windows.

“Hey, Jamie!” Rapunzel greeted him brightly, her green eyes sparkling. “How’s school treating you?”

Jamie shrugged. “The usual, I guess. Nothing new.” Sitting, he turned to look at her.

“Jamie…” Rapunzel started, “about what that guy said earlier…”

“Don’t listen to him.” Jamie retorted. “He’s just being a jerk.”

“Well, that’s the thing… you see, there’s kinda a reason I have no friends, and I just think you should know before you start hanging out with me.” She broke eye contact, stroking a piece of golden hair between her small fingers. Jamie looked at her curiously, waiting for her to continue. “ I was in the hospital!” She blurted out. “Which is why I missed class.”

“Okay…?” Jamie asked, confused. So she was in the hospital. Why should he care? That didn’t explain why no one seemed to like her. Indeed, people tended to flock around those injured in worried friendship cliques. Did she have some type of disease? A form of cancer? Broken bone? Seizures? He didn’t know what to ask first, so he simply watched her, waiting for further explanation.

“A mental hospital, Jamie. “ 

“I...oh-” Jamie managed to stutter out, his lips suddenly turning to heavy, sodden stone. “W-what?” Thoughts bodily injuries flew from his mind, replaced by the idea of psychopaths and axe murderers. 

“I’m not insane!” Her gaze flickered up to his own, part nerves, part pure fear, part loneliness, before returning to the lock of silken hair in her hand. “It’s just… I get panic attacks, okay? Like, serious ones. “ Seeing his startled face, she rushed to get more words into the silent space of air. “ I’m getting help, though. I mean, they said I could come back to school and everything. I just want at least one friend before this year is over…” 

His eyes softened, a sweet smile painting itself upon his lips. “I am your friend, okay? If you have another panic attack, I’ll be here. ‘Cause that’s what friends do.”

Rapunzel smiled, a real, genuine smile. Jamie had never seen someone look so simultaneously happy and relieved. It felt good to make someone happy, to have a positive impact on someone’s life, to have a friend.

As they talked and laughed over lunch, Rapunzel told Jamie about the school; all the mean teachers, the ones who gave out candy, best subjects and specials, who belonged to which clique. 

“See, that’s Hiccup over there, the one eating lunch alone.” She gestured to a scrawny brunette.

“Wait, wait - “ Jamie interrupted, “that’s really his name? Hiccup?”

“Yep. You’re one of the few people with a normal name in this school. “ 

Jamie raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Really.” Rapunzel nodded. “You have Hiccup, who, by the way, gets bullied a lot. “ She paused, taking in Jamie’s worried empathetic expression. “Yeah, I know. Anyway… Then you have me, named after a piece of lettuce. “ At this, Jamie grinned. “And then you have Jack.”

“Jack’s a normal name.” Jamie protested, looking over to where Rapunzel pointed, seeing a group of loud, laughing boys; the type who wore expensive Nike sneakers and had bodies that made all the girls melt.

Now it was Rapunzel’s turn to grin. “That’s the thing. His last name is Frost. His given name is Jack Frost.”

Jamie spewed water over the table, making a weak, failed attempt at swallowing the rest of his drink. “What?! His name is Jack Frost? You’re kidding. “ 

“I know, right?”

“And - and , wait one second… the kid with the white hair?”

“That’s him.” Rapunzel replied, a smile still glowing upon her face like a noon sun.

“Wow. Just wow.” Jamie chuckled, watching the boy’s head of characteristically stark hair. “He’s really embracing the whole ‘spirit of winter’ thing, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Although, I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be natural… “ Jamie just gave her a skeptical look. “Let me tell you now though, he may be nice to look at, but he’s one of the popular ones. Y’know, jocks who are good at everything and have girls throwing themselves at them left and right. He’s one of them.”

“Nice to look at?” Jamie taunted. 

“Well, he is! Even you can’t deny he’s kind of cute.”

“Fine, fine.” Jamie conceded, laughing. He was ‘cute’, all perfectly sculpted face and smooth alabaster skin. But Jamie himself preferred someone a bit less...stoic. “But really, does he ever smile?” Not to mention Jamie was a boy. He wasn’t even sure his parents approved of homosexual relationships. He didn’t understand why he was thinking about this, but part of him still wondered. Maybe it was the meds… speaking of which… 

“No, I don’t think I’ve seen him look happy once this entire year.” Rapunzel replied, looking at him curiously. “You okay?”

“I… yeah, yeah. Um, do you know where I can find a bathroom?”

“Oh, sure! Just go right down that hallway, first left, third door on the right. Lunch is almost over, so I’ll see you later or tomorrow, kay?”

“Course, see ya.” Jamie gave a small wave and turned to go.

“Oh! One more thing.”

“Hmm?” He turned back to her questioningly. 

“Be careful if you run into Merida - bright red curly hair. She’s got quite the reputation.”

‘So do you’, Jamie thought, although he kept this to himself. “Okayyy.. well, I’ll just be going now.” Jamie stated awkwardly. 

“Bye!”

As he entered the hallway Jamie breathed in the silence, thankful to finally escape the chaos of the lunchroom. Not that he didn’t like Rapunzel - he did. It was just that the quiet, the peace, was so much more welcoming, safe, a warm blanket, a coat of embraces.

Not that it was going to last long.

Jamie’s breath hitched as he spotted the infamous head of fiery red hair round the bend, followed by a harsh, blue eyed, freckled face. Merida. ‘What had Rapunzel just said to him? Was this it? Was he going to die? Well, it was a good day to go… He hoped someone would bring lilies to his funeral. He always liked lilies…’

“What are you looking at, newbie?” The red-head growled, a feral, rough sound like she was part of the animal everyone said she was.

“I… uh, nothing! Nothing! I’m sorry - I um -”

Merida laughed, a hearty chuckle that made her seem much more human. “Take a laugh, kid. M’ not gonna hurt ya. Dunno why everyone at this school’s so ‘fraid o’ me. Only beat up a kid once, and he was a downright jerk.” Jamie gave a weak smile. “Don’t be looking so terrified, geez. ‘M not gonna bite ya. Tell you what; you need to forget about things for a while, you come to my place.” She flipped him a small business card. “Ye aren’t the only one with secrets.” She nodded pointedly at his wrist and walked off, leaving Jamie frozen and bewildered. 

He looked down at the piece of paper in his hand, reading: ‘Dunbroch Tavern, open 24/7. Come one come all for a shoutin’ good time!’, followed by a symbol of a bear’s head with two arrows and a bow crossing it. ‘A bar?’ Jamie thought, ‘or a club or something? She wants me to there?’ He didn’t know what Merida was thinking, but she was right about one thing. Jamie had a secret, one written all over his pale skinned body.

He muttered a curse under his breath as he entered the bathroom. Why was life so complicated? Couldn’t he spend just one day without someone realizing he was a freak?

Well, no matter. Jamie had a secret skill, one that was his and his alone, something he’d perfected over the years.

Jamie had the amazing ability not to feel. It wasn’t like he was a robot or anything. He could feel pain and discomfort. It was experiencing emotions that he had a problem with. Or rather, lack thereof.

He was in a glass box. He could see out of it perfectly fine, just as he knew what he should be, and was, experiencing. But there was a wall between him and his emotions. He could react and respond as a normal person, but inside he was numb. Nothing made it through.

This wasn’t much of a problem for him, though. Just as the glass box blocked all overwhelming happiness from reaching him, it also protected him from the severe sorrow that plagued the world. And that was good enough for him. With such morbid thoughts, it was only natural for his parents to put him on so called ‘anti-depression’ pills.

As he shook the prescription bottle, a small white pill fell into his hand, seeming to say ‘eat me, eat me’; a twisted version of the old Alice in Wonderland fairytale. He listened, downing the pill with the blank taste of sink water. As the water dripped down the drain, his mind started to deliriously repeat what he’d heard throughout the day.

Contagious, contagious, contagious.  
Panic, panic, panic.  
Freak, freak, freak.  
Bullied, bullied, bullied.

Jamie hummed softly to himself to shut off the thoughts. Jamie’s secret begged to be revisited. Putting the pills back in his pocket, he shut himself in a stall.

‘Skip dinner, end up thinner  
cut your skin, and you’re a sinner.’

A poem he’d read on the internet.

‘Skip dinner, end up thinner  
cut your skin, and you’re a sinner.’

A constant replay in his mind, a soundtrack to his actions. Pushing up his sleeve he saw his once unmarked skin littered with cuts and scars. Was he a sinner, too?

As Jamie retrieved the trusty razor around his neck - saved just for moments like these - he realized he knew why he cut. The reason? He just wanted to feel something.

And as rubies welled up from his skin, he finally did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear my writing will get better; the beginning chapters I wrote in like, 6th grade, so bear with me until I get to the more recent chapters. Anyway, enjoy cutter Jamie as we await Merida's chapter.


	5. The Girl In the Alley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merida is a drunkard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna be drunk when I wake up  
> On the right side of the wrong bed  
> And never an excuse I made up  
> Tell you the truth I hate  
> What didn't kill me  
> It never made me stronger at all.  
> Love will scar your make-up, lip sticks to me  
> So now I maybe lean back there  
> I'm sat here wishing I was sober  
> I know I'll never hold you like I used to.
> 
> But a house gets cold when you cut the heating  
> Without you to hold I'll be freezing  
> Can't rely on my heart to beat in  
> 'Cause you take parts of it every evening  
> Take words out of my mouth just from breathing  
> Replace with phrases like when you're leaving me.
> 
> Should I, should I?  
> Maybe I'll get drunk again  
> I'll be drunk again  
> I'll be drunk again  
> To feel a little love
> 
> \- 'Drunk', Ed Sheeran.

Merida chuckled as she walked away from Jamie. He was going to think she was insane, she was sure of it, but he seemed like an interesting enough person; she wouldn’t have given just anyone one the directions to her most sacred place. Not everyone had self-made massacres on their wrists. 

Part of her hoped he would come, because she honestly did want to talk to him. Although, inviting him to a bar might not have been the best idea.

“Merida!” The shrill voice of someone with authority rang out behind her. “MERIDA!”

Said person paused and gave an annoyed huff, blowing a scarlet flash of curl away from her lips. The teacher came up next to her, wooden clipboard in hand.

“Merida, do you realize you missed homeroom this morning? You have three sheets overdue in E.L.A., a test to retake in math, an essay due fro Mr.Dolenbine, another test in social studies…” The gray haired lady babbled on and on as Merida walked until they had come full circle around the school. And she was still talking.

Merida felt her insides twist with that familiar anger, an old friend she hardly knew what to do without, red as her fiery hair. “Ye gods, woman! Shut yer’ face!” She finally snapped, turning on her unsuspecting victim, eyes burning with vengeance. 

The teacher let out an indignant sound, hand pressed over her heart as if Merida had tried to take it. “Eh- excuse me?”

“By all the stars, lassie! Are you dense?” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “Can’t you see I don’t care?”

“Well, I -” The teacher seemed to ruffle up to twice her size in the reverse of threatening, indeed, almost comical. “Your parents will hear about this!” And then she stormed off, heels clicking loudly on the school’s pattern of color coded tiles.

“See if they do..” Merida grumbled, knowing that even if the school did call her parents, well, parent, they probably wouldn’t get an answer.

She wandered the halls until the bell rang, signaling the end of school. After stopping by her locker, Merida sighed as she swung her backpack over one shoulder. Walking ‘home’ again, as per usual. 

She watched as students streamed out of the school, a tidal wave of relieved faces and jubilant grins. There was Hiccup, alone once again, the crowd parting around him the same way water moves around a boulder, as if he were diseased and they didn’t want to touch him. The same went for Rapunzel, who had , against all odds and expectations, returned once more to the hellish place called school. However, for the first time in a long time, she had a companion. Jamie. Hmm.

As unlikely as it would seem, Merida was not oblivious to all that surrounded her. Without the pressure of trying to be perfect, she could take time to appreciate the small things, fit the pieces together to form a larger picture. And, while she was at it, asses the world that enveloped her in its tree, stream strewn grasp.

For instance: Hiccup. She did feel some sort of pity for him, but if he would just stand up for himself, she would respect him a lot more.

Then there was Rapunzel, anxious, high strung, sugary, friendly, saccharine sweetness that made Merida want to gag. She couldn’t help but dislike her, always loved by the teachers who loathed Merida and her nonexistent work ethic.

Speaking of teachers, the sheer amount of school work, accumulated over days of procrastination, was overwhelming, closed off her throat in a suffocating veil of papers and pens and shouts.

So Merida would do what she always did. Take what she always had. Alcohol.

Her companion, ever an angel on broken bottle wings, feathers formed of glass. The drunkenness that enthralled her so in its tainted grasp. The addiction to feeling, of existing just one more time.

Merida was nobody in this reality, even to herself. But as a person under the command of alcohol, the world sunk into her, zeroed in until she took up all the space there was to take, until she was the center of the world and the world itself. She was important. She was real. More than she had ever been on the safe shores of land. No, not when intoxicated seas were so close at hand.

The old, worn bear sign greeted her as she rounded the corner, a single constant in her world of ever present turmoil. A home of sorts. A twisted, messed up home, but her home. And inside every home was a family; this was no exception.

“The usual!” Merida hollered to the bartender, hauling her backpack on to a nearby table and taking a seat at the bar.

“Someone a little touchy today?” The bartender teased, placing a filled glass in front of her.

“Someone a little stupid today?” Merida replied in turn, downing the drink and slamming the empty glass down. “I’m touchy every day, now get me another drink.” She continued, although a smile graced her face. “Please.”

“Anything for her highness.” He said, mocking a bow. “Here ya’ are.”

Merida smiled for real this time, possibly for the first time today. She was happy to be home. “Thanks, Leon.” She hopped off the stool, sipping her alcohol, for it was alcohol, a little more slowly this time. She’d had a lot of practice chugging the stuff; she was a pro by now.

Waving hasty replies to the many friendly shouts she received, she let out a sigh of relief. Finally, she could be herself. No teachers, no rules; just pure unadulterated bliss. There was only one problem. Her parents.

When she was younger, her dad had developed an attachment to alcohol, not necessarily in a bad way. He simply loved the effects of it. And, although Merida’s mom had insisted they raise her properly, he had often snuck Merida out for drinks, sharing his love until she was as addicted as he was. It was also how she met many of the people she called ‘family’. You see, by the tender age of ten, her mom had been killed by a rampant, raging bear. Merida still cried in secret, waiting for the ache that never disappeared to dissipate. Her father had withdrawn inside himself, locked away with only his grief and alcohol.

So this was her life.

She decided she needed a breather; it was suffocatingly hot in there, gyrating bodies and sweaty palms. She stumbled outside, gasping in the cool night air. Much better. 

A car pulled up, glinting a dirty gray in the dim street lamp’s pool of light. Inside was a stranger and student. Jack Frost, someone Merida saw each school day that passed. What was he doing here? 

The man, presumably Jack’s father, rolled down the window and leaned out, his voice a thick drawl as he spoke. “Mind getting us some drinks, pretty lady?”

Jack looked at her urgently, eyes uncharacteristically desperate. Merida couldn’t quite bring herself to care. After all, what did it have to do with her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the more recent chapters! From here on out expect better writing! Yay! And now... the one we've all been waiting for... JACK FROST!!!!!
> 
> At least, I assume you've all been waiting for him... I mean, c'mon, he's Jack Frost...


	6. The Boy In the Locked In The Basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and his father. 
> 
> Mildly graphic abuse with mediocre asphyxiation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long will this take?  
> How much can I go through?  
> My heart, my soul aches  
> I don't know what to do  
> I bend, but don't break  
> Somehow I'll get through  
> 'Cause I have you
> 
> And if I had to crawl  
> Well, you'd crawl too  
> I stumble and I fall  
> Carry me through  
> The wonder of it all is you  
> See me through
> 
> Oh, Lord, where are you?  
> Do not forget me here  
> I cry in silence  
> Can you not see my tears?
> 
> When all have left me  
> And hope has disappeared  
> You'll find me here
> 
> \- 'Crawl', Superchick

Jack watched as Merida walked away, saw her return with two glinting beer bottles in hand. Her name was caught at the edge of his tongue, tangling there with a thousand other pleas for help. But nothing came out, and he was silent as his father’s meaty fingers wrapped around the glass ( the same fingers that wrapped around his neck, left bruises in the shape of hands ).

He looked at Merida, her red hair (glowing in spring sunlight), her blue eyes (narrowed in fury), saw her a thousand different ways and she was silent, happy and silent and he wondered if she could see his fear, could smell it like the bear that was the symbol of the tavern, could feel the panic building up inside him like a tidal wave about to burst through a sea wall.

And then she was gone, a blur of color as the car sped past, disappearing into the night. Something thick and heavy and painfully warm stuck in his throat. Merida, who had looked straight through his fearful eyes and opened lips, waiting to spill words and yet none came. She had looked straight through his trembling hands and shining, tear filled eyes. She had looked straight through him. She didn’t see him, no one saw him. Not really. 

And he was scared, so, so scared that his father would be the only one to ever see him, to know the secrets that crawled beneath his skin, the only one to ever touch him, the only one to know why Jack flinched away from outstretched hands.

He didn’t want this, he didn’t want his father’s hands all over his body, the only ones to ever touch his body, didn’t want to scream until he coughed up blood, didn’t want to be invisible ( and he tried so hard to be seen, to be good at everything, to be popular just so someone would see him, touch him ), and Merida had been his last hope, everyone always felt like his last hope and no one ever saw him.

Then a hand grabbed the hood of blue fabric that dangled from Jack’s shoulders, pulled him out of the car and dragged him toward the house that was dark and cold and stank of intoxication ( like midnight and ice and drunken yells, swirling through the air in a way that made Jack choke ). And then they were inside and the air smelled like snow and it was the only thing keeping Jack together, keeping him sane, the only thing that didn’t smell of alcohol, and they were going downstairs, and Jack could feel the metal close around his wrists, and it hurt, it hurt where the skin had torn when he had struggled and the concrete was cold ( just as cold as the house, colder, cold as a winter breeze ) against him when he backed away from his father and those evil eyes ( eyes he saw in his dreams, nightmares where all he could see where charcoal black irises) . 

His father’s first name was at the edge of his tongue, a beg for just one safe night in this display of a thousand tortured ones. Maybe he could sense it, maybe he was so attuned to Jack’s emotions that he could feel the fear cascading off his skin like shower water, like radiation, poisonous and to some people wickedly intoxicating. Drunk off his fear and something more material.

“What do you call me when we’re alone, Jackie?”

And he hated that name, hated the way his father said it like it was a favorite pet’s title, hated how it made him feel small and weak, like a child; even when his teachers called him it on a whim he could feel the air leave his throat, feel himself transported back to the darkness, the place he’d cowered as a child before chains locked him in place.

“Da-daddy…” Jack bit his tongue until tears welled in his eyes and he hated himself, despised the way he bent to his father’s will, pliable as clay and so very far from the brave boy people saw him as.

The larger man came closer, leaned down to meet his eyes and Jack could smell the bitterness on his breath, could count his eyelashes, was so close, too close to this vile person.

“Daddy, please-” The words came so easily, rolled off his tongue like they were oiled, felt familiar, brought him back because he’d been saying these words his whole life, had begged for forgiveness while other children begged for new toys. 

“You don’t get to order me around, brat.” It was a hiss of a sound and then Jack was coughing, pain blooming in his stomach in something like the outline of a fist and that too felt familiar; Jack knew this feeling, knew what it meant. Another blow to his body, arms taking the force of it and he could feel his pale skin bruising, could feel it rattle to his bones.

There were hands wrapped around his neck, a pressure on his throat and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he’d have to pull his hoodie up, hide the fingerprints etched in black and blue. He could hear his father’s voice, screaming endlessly that it was his fault, Jack’s fault, Jack’s fault for taking his sister out to the lake, Jack’s fault she had fallen in ( and he could still see her eyes, brown eyes, wide and scared and then gone before Jack could scream ), Jack’s fault his mother had huddled away in grief, had wandered out into a blizzard praying for death until her wish came true in the form of eternal, frozen sleep ( he could see her too, body frosted and white, could see her veins through her transparent skin, could see cold, dead, glassy eyes before they zipped up the body bag ).

But sometimes it wasn’t Jack’s fault, sometimes his father wanted to touch him, simply wanted to taint a teenage boy. Those nights were worse.

The grip around his throat grew insistently tighter, and somewhere in the fog he saw his hands scrabbling desperately at his father’s, trembling as they reached out. His lungs burned, he choked on nothing and then it disappeared, the weight on his chest, and Jack fell to his knees, heaving in sweet, sweet air and clutching his chest, his body shaking and convulsing as it tried to recover from asphyxiation.

He heard the stairs creak as his father went upstairs. He would have cried if he had any tears left inside him, if his skin hadn’t hardened to a iron shell. He’d run out of tears,out of weakness, so long ago, the same way he’d lost his voice when he screamed and screamed and screamed.

He slumped back against the wall, head hung low and hands pressed into the cool cement of the wall. Some days, on the worst days, the only thing that kept him alive, that kept him from strangling himself with his chains, from just giving up completely, was the coldness, the pure, clean air in his lungs, for which he was infinitely grateful. Some days he’d lean into it like the inanimate object was a person, press him lips to the coldness and imagine it was his little sister ( he used to kiss her forehead constantly, ruffle her hair and stare lovingly at her innocent eyes; even though she protested, occasionally pushing him away but most of the time accepting his action, she would always return the affections, peppering his cheeks with butterfly kisses, leaning up on her toes to reach the taller boy ). He imagined it was the cool, clean slide of his mother’s skin ( icy and deceased ) over his own, an embrace made of grayed rock.

He did this now, ran his fingers along the smooth surface and closed his eyes, imagined faceless, disembodied hands running through his hair, another body pressed close to his own, a cool pair of lips ( soaked in alcohol ), a hand at his waist ( a fist breaking his ribcage ), a pair of eyes ( his father’s, dark and slitted ) looking lovingly into his own ( animalistically, like they wanted to eat him alive, cannibalize him ). A person ( his father, his father, his father ) touching him ( hands, hands everywhere ) and caressing his face ( breaking his nose in one foul blow ). An embrace ( those same hands wrapped around his neck). Soft words ( all your fault, all your fault ).

He hadn’t realized he’d stopped breathing until fire crawled up his lungs. He gasped, sapphire eyes shooting open to stare at the blank darkness, the way the setting sun cast long tendrils of shadow, reaching toward its kin like gnarled fingers. It happened sometimes; his dreams turning into nightmares the same way gold paint turns to midnight black with just a few strokes of a paintbrush.

He choked on nothing but his own sadness, hopelessness, frustration, and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeee, writing improved. ( kinda sorta?) Level up!  
> And now we start over with more interactions, more drama, more angst.  
> Yes


	7. Something Like Infatuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild Hijack feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my senses come to life  
> While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I  
> Have ever been and I'll never leave again  
> 'Cause you are the only one  
> And all my friends have gone to find  
> Another place to let their hearts collide  
> Just promise me, you'll always be a friend  
> 'Cause you are the only one
> 
> -'One', Ed Sheeran.

Hiccup purged before he even left the house, mouth tasting of peppermint and bile. He saw Jack on the bus again, watched him pull his hood over his head and look out the window as Hiccup stared at him. When Jack turned, the fabric falling to frame his flawless face, Hiccup saw the ghost of something creeping along the skin of the pale boy’s neck, maybe a shadow, maybe a bruise ( a bruise in the shape fingers, someone touching Jack, his Jack ). He saw the cuts again, (like someone was restraining him, like someone touching him in a way Hiccup didn’t want to think about ) and they were bleeding again, reopened to stain his hoodie purple.

He had to talk to him, had to save Jack ( if he even needed saving, Hiccup didn’t know, maybe Jack had a sadistic lover and was content to let the scars accumulate ). Hiccup took a deep breath and it was tainted as it entered his lips, the way he could taste bile on his tongue despite the mouthwash and mints. He wondered if Jack would be able to smell it on him, would sense what Hiccup had done that morning.

At the next stop Hiccup moved to Jack’s seat, a seat meant for two; like it was made for partners, like Jack was supposed to have a friend.

“Jack?” Hiccup’s nails were gouging crescent shaped marks into his legs. “Can I ask you something?” The way Jack jumped when Hiccup first spoke, the way his shoulders hunched and he made himself smaller made Hiccup’s insides knot. And those were definitely bruises on Jack’s neck and Hiccup was going to tear who ever put them there limb from limb. “What happened to your wrists?” Hiccup put his hand over Jack’s - the skin cold, cold and smooth and dangerous as ice, cracking as Hiccup held him - and pushed up the sleeve of his hoodie, exposing the lacerated flesh. He heard Jack’s breath catch, saw his eyes ( beautiful and blue like an untouched ocean, except he was touched, someone had hurt him ) widen, and Hiccup’s heart jumped to his throat, pulsing there painfully. “And your throat…” The brunette reached up to touch the bruised skin and Jack flinched like he was expecting a blow, expecting Hiccup to hurt him. Hiccup’s heart shattered, lodging shards in his esophagus and he couldn’t even feel it, couldn't feel anything but that brief moment of fear Jack had shown. Hiccup pulled his hands back, folding them in his lap. He could tell Jack was still scared, could see him shaking almost imperceptibly. 

Their eyes met and Hiccup could saw something there, hidden in the perfect cerulean of his irises. It was Jack, but not. It was pieces of him scattered in the sapphire hues, and he could see the desperation too, like Jack was trying to pull himself back together again but couldn't, couldn't find all the parts of himself he had lost.

“Hiccup…” Jack knew his name, he knew his name! “I can't-” Jack pulled his hood further over his head, shrouding his eyes, and pushed his sleeves down to cover the tortured marks. “I can't tell you. He’ll kill me.”

Hiccup felt someone pour acid over his skin, and he felt the need to throw up, to stick his fingers down his throat and expel all this fear inside him, practically saturating the air. 

“Who, Jack?” Hiccup raised his hand and, even though Jack flinched, caressed his face, rubbing his thumb over the white-haired boy’s cheekbone. The skin was still so cold, like there was nothing living inside him, like he was a statue. “I swear, I won’t let anyone hurt you. You can stay with me! You can live at my house. I’ll protect you. I will! Just please...please, Jack. Tell me who did this to you.”

Jack looked at him and everything inside Hiccup stopped because he could once more see something there ( fear and sadness and secrets ), something that wasn’t what he expected. Tears. And hope.

“It was… it was…” And Hiccup wondered how long he’d been waiting to say this, how long he’d been waiting for someone to care, suspect, ask. The words were almost lost in the slight whisper of wind when he spoke. “My dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the plot thickens...!  
> Are these chapters getting shorter? Or is it just me?


	8. Something Like Compassion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel and Hiccup talk and do nothing with their lives. You can pretty much skip this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you love somebody  
> Better tell them while they’re here ’cause  
> They just may run away from you
> 
> You’ll never know quite when, well  
> Then again it just depends on  
> How long of time is left for you
> 
> \- 'On Top Of The World', Imagine Dragons

“Jamie! Hey, Jamie, come look!” Rapunzel and said person were perched atop the school steps, watching the students spill off the bus like a swarm of multicolored ants, all clothed in backpacks and textbooks. “It’s Jack and Hiccup. Right there! Oh my god, Jamie, they’re holding hands!” Rapunzel squealed, her hand latching on to Jamie’s shoulder like the claws of some great, blonde hawk. “It’s so cute!”

Warmth dripped over her heart, thawing away the icy layers of anxiety that held her bound so tightly. There was something sweet and surprising about seeing the jock and the nerd hand in hand, Jack’s eyes angled toward the ground as Hiccup whispered to him. She’d never seen Jack look quite like that; shoulders hunched so he appeared smaller, didn’t take up so large a space as the shining star of a person he was, ever the center of attention; hand grasping another’s, his eyes the vulnerable look of a scared child

“I’ve never seen them together before…” She mused. Part of her wondered why they were suddenly so close, skin to pale skin; part of her didn’t want to question whatever this was; whether it be pity or friendship, she couldn't be sure.

She and Jamie bid each other farewell as they parted ways for their lockers, the crowd consuming them, each taken to far corners of the universe of sounds, sights, and thoughts they called school. As she wandered the halls, her and her armful of books meandering to homeroom, she saw a familiar head of auburn hair and a freckled face, greens eyes alit with something Rapunzel hadn't seen in a long time.

“Hiccup!” Her voice carried through the jam packed hallway, and the scrawny boy turned to look at her, a smile breaking his face like sunrise.

“Hey, Rapunzel.” He said as they reached each other midway through the hall, both walking to follow the flow the throng of students had converged upon. “I didn’t realize you were back. How are things?” She’d never seen Hiccup smile so brightly, and somehow she knew it wasn’t because of her ( and that hurt a part of her, because she was never anyone’s reason to smile, never the cause of a toothy grin, never funny enough, smart enough, nice enough ).

“Oh, I’m good. I’m just glad to be back.” She paused, biting the inside of her cheek in hesitation. “What about you, Hic? Something happened, didn’t it? C’mon, you gotta tell me ~” It was just like old times, before she had to leave, ( before the white walls and barred windows and fear, fear, fear ) the way they’d been friends but sorta not, there for each other but not always there at the right time. It was a relationship free of obligation, and she liked it that way.

Hiccup bit his lip, eyes darting away from Rapunzel and then back again. He hesitated before breaking before Rapunzel’s radiant smile.

“Okay! So, you know Jack Frost, right?” He gestured around the hall, as if Jack would suddenly materialize from the crowd of students.

“Of course!” The curiosity bubbled inside her, making her fingertips tingle.

“Well, he’s on my bus. ”

“Uh huh. “

“And we were talking. “

“Uh huh.”

“And...and stuff.” Hiccup looked away, hands folded demurely behind his back. Rapunzel gave him a condescending glare.

“Hiccup…” She said threateningly, crossing her arms.

“I don’t really want to talk about it. It was kind of personal.” There was silence. Then Rapunzel shrugged, blonde hair falling off her shoulder in a waterfall of cascading gold.

“Hey, I don’t want to intrude. “ She flashed another brilliant smile. “I’m just happy for you. I know how long you've wanted him.”

Hiccup turned a deep shade of red. “Wha-what?”

Rapunzel’s smile broadened. “It’s pretty obvious, you know. You should try and keep your longing stares to a minimum.”

“R-right.” Hiccup replied sheepishly, suddenly very interested in the movement of their feet across the floor.

“Anyway, I've gotta go, Hic. Keep doing what you’re doing.” She threw a wink over her shoulder as she headed into homeroom.

She spent the rest of the day entertaining light fantasies about Hiccup’s love life, careful smiles dancing across her lips as she traveled through each class. She realized, at some point, that it was the first day she hadn't focused entirely on her own needs, wants, desires. The first time she had something happy to dwell on since long, long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically a filler chapter because I don't want to mess up the character order. I don't really like writing the girl's pov... I mean I do, but Jack and Hiccup and Jamie;; angst. I don't even know. //fail


	9. Something Like Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Merida have a talk and Merida is an annoying protector/ savior of souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've heard it said,  
> That people come into our lives  
> For a reason  
> Bringing something we must learn.  
> And we are lead to those  
> Who help us most to grow if we let them.  
> And we help them in return.  
> Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
> But I know I'm who I am today  
> Because I knew you.
> 
> -'For Good', Wicked

Jamie stared at himself in the grimy bathroom mirror. Not in a I-think-I’m-so-attractive way, more of a who-the-hell-is-that-and-why-do-they-look-so-fucked-up way. It wasn’t even that, though. He wasn’t seeing himself. Not really. All he could see was a thousand bloody hallucinations; suicidal veins cut open, deep and dark ( his veins, his wrist ), a fork stabbing straight through a hand ( his hand ), that same dark crimson dripping across pale skin. A pencil impaled through someone’s skull ( his skull, his dead eyes). Red, dyed teeth sinking into the flesh of a neck ( his neck, his throat filling with liquid ).

He could feel this thing, this thing with demon teeth and knives for hands, feel it crawling inside him, fitting itself to his skin, consuming him, drowning him in the blood, water, tears. It took hold of his hands, raised them to his throat to touch the trusty blade tucked beneath his shirt, dangling like a lifeline from a thin metal chain. It pulled the necklace over his head, held it in his palm, forced Jamie to look at it, to face the reflection of his own eyes in that marred metal, to face this monster he’d created. The monster ( the cutting, the urges, the triggers ) forced his hand forward, turned up his wrist like an offering and laid the blade against it.

He could hear whispers of people he loved, telling him ‘stop, stop, no, Jamie, don’t‘ , but they were nothing compared to the raw screams to just do it, to achieve this greater state, as if he were some Nike player on a court and all he needed to do was make the final shot. He obeyed, he listened ( he broke, he gave up, he stopped fighting ), and pressed the blade down.

“Jamie?” The latter almost screamed, letting the sharp silver clatter to the floor because he knew that voice, knew that unmistakable Scottish accent. He turned to see the fiery head of messy, unruly hair, framing a face with startlingly blue eyes and a look that crossed between anger and confusion. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Merida asked, hands on her hips in an almost motherly way, almost like she cared. 

“Merida!” Jamie spluttered, golden brown eyes going wide, fingers clenching and unclenching in the air, searching for something, anything to anchor himself with. “What - why - this is the boy’s bathroom!”

Merida shrugged, rolling her icy eyes. “Honestly, do ya really think I care? Thought you knew me better than that.” She drawled, lowering her arms and stepping towards him. Something changed in her face, a softer look covering her sharp features. She bent to pick up the blade that lay forgotten on the floor. “What are you doing, Jamie?” She asked quietly’ staring at the shine of the razor instead of into his eyes; like she didn’t want to face him, was too ashamed of his actions to even meet his gaze.

Absurdly, desperately, Jamie tried to change topics. “How do you know my name?

Merida just smiled. “Everyone knows your name. You’re the new kid, remember?” Somehow, Jamie managed a weak smile in return. The redhead took another step toward him, and this time Jamie backed away, sneakers squeaking on the shining tile. Before he could react again Merida grabbed his forearm, pushing up his sleeve and revealing the scarred flesh beneath, old and new, healed and fresh, scattered upon his skin like petals drifting on water. Jamie hissed in pain as the fabric brushed over a particularly fresh wound, pain rattling up his arm like an infection. “You shouldn’t do this.” Merida sounded as if she were chastising a child. 

Jamie gritted his teeth, eyes meeting hers in a defiant glare. He felt his chest contract in anger, a foreign feeling to him, the ever emotionless boy. He’d heard those very words so often, too often. As if he could just stop, as if this was a euphoria he was willing to give up, as if it were in his control. As if it were easy, as if he wasn’t chained, caged by his own spilled blood. As if she had any inkling of what this drug, this happiness, this … addiction, was like.

“Give me one good reason.” He hissed, voice dripping venom.

“Come to my place and I’ll show you a good reason.” Merida replied smoothly; and it sounded like a promise, a secret behind closed doors.

“Fine.” They stared at each other for a moment longer, gazes locked in a duel of power. Merida looked away first.

“Oh, and I’ll be taking this.” She twisted the blade between her fingers. The anger was back, white hot pain in his gut at being treated like a naughty child, an inexperienced brat. Merida turned around, started to walk away and the uncontrollable urge to strangle her, to take back what was his, flooded his body.

“You can’t stop me, you know.” The words were bitter as they left his lips. “I’ll always find a way.”

“I know. “ Merida didn’t turn around, but he could hear the faintest smile in her voice. “But I can try.”

And then she was gone.

Jamie glanced at himself in the mirror, and , for the first time, wondered what he would look like without his scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will get more interesting. Maybe. I hope... These chapters are really short... Welp, see you next time on the 'Let's screw up everyone's lives show', brought to you by the one and only Dirade!


	10. Something Like Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merida and Jamie talk. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've got it all  
> You lost your mind in the sound  
> There's so much more  
> You can reclaim your crown  
> You're in control  
> Rid of the monsters inside your head  
> Put all your faults to bed  
> You can be king again
> 
> \- 'King', Lauren Aquilina

Merida watched as Jamie tacked astronomy posters to the school walls, plastering star strewn galaxies and spinning whorls of cosmic dust on to the hallways.

Before she could turn away and go back to invisibly following him, as if she were some kind of guardian angel, he met her eyes and a smile lit up his face. For a moment, Merida only stared. How could he still smile so genuinely at her when just a couple of hours ago he’d been near furious; she knew by the way his voice was tight, the reflection of his clenched hands? But smile he did, and Merida walked over to him, a moth drawn to light. Children scattered before her near silent footsteps, one of the few skills she’d retained from her mother’s teachings.

“Hey, Merida.” His voice was welcoming, accepting even her brash ways, as if he were everything combined, adjustable to each new challenge that came his way. “Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you.” He taped the last poster up over the water fountain, turning to face her. “Well, I was thinking…” And he was back to that timid, scared boy Merida had first met, the one who had looked at her in terror. “Maybe we could bring some more people over to your place. Start, like … I dunno… something.”

Merida looked at him skeptically. “Define people.” 

Jamie smiled, apparently taking this as a reluctant ‘yes’. “People like us.” Merida raised an eyebrow. “Well, no offense, but you invited me to a bar, you smell like alcohol - only a little bit! I have my...problems. Rapunzel and her panic attacks. Y’know.”

Rapunzel. Of course. Jamie wanted the blonde haired angel to start associating with her. Merida was almost certain their interaction would induce another panic attack. “So, you want to start a ‘people with problems’ club. “ Merida clarified, once more resting her hands on her hips.

Jamie grimaced. “More like a group.”

“Group therapy?”

“No,no! Like, um… a support group.” Jamie grinned up at her hopefully.

Merida let her face go blank, emotionless as she weighed her options. It would require socialization, bring people into her ‘safe zone’, would compromise her home into ground zero for so many people. On the other hand, her life was becoming dull and listless, a once brilliant rose dried to dust. It had been a long time since her last adventure; to enthralled with alcohol to voyage into the woods, to climb to the top of the school. She hardly even had time to shoot her bow. Even if this was a small, inside adventure, perhaps it was what she needed to creep back into her old self. 

“I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Group! Yay! Everyone's invited, long awaited interaction, people talk out their feelings. How exciting!


	11. Something Like Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup teaches Jack to be bulimic and Jack's a masochistic bitch about it.  
> trigger warning for bulimia and mentions of anorexia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told another lie today  
> And I got through this day  
> No one saw through my games  
> I know the right words to say  
> Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"  
> Then someone tells me how good I look  
> And for a moment, for a moment I am happy  
> But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry
> 
> \- 'Courage', Superchick

“Hiccup?” Jack could hear gagging, saw Hiccup’s worn brown boots under the stall. The sound stopped, and Jack heard the flush of a toilet, the click of a lock, and then Hiccup was standing in front of him, that same skinny, freckled boy. He hadn’t changed at all; Jack didn’t know why he thought he would. Maybe he was just surprised to see someone carry the burden of his secret so well, to still stand tall while Jack was weighing on their mind. Perhaps it was conceded to think that way, but it felt like such a dark secret that it would consume anyone’s sun. “What were you doing?” Jack saw guilt in Hiccup’s eyes, though he disguised it well. Guilt was a feeling all too familiar to the white haired boy ( all your fault, all your fault ).

Hiccup shrugged noncommittally, eyes darting from Jack to the floor. “Sticking my fingers down my throat, throwing up, the usual.” Jack watched in silence as Hiccup rinsed his mouth with sink water, watched him chew a piece of mint gum before spitting it into the trashcan.

“Teach me.”

Hiccup stared at him. “Jack, I was just kidding-”

“No you weren’t.” Jack saw the flash of shame pass through Hiccup’s eyes and knew he was right.

“I can’t teach you something like that. It’s bad. You don’t deserve that sort of thing.”

‘Of course I do’, Jack thought. ‘It’s my fault my sister is dead, my fault my mother died, my fault my father hates me, my fault, my fault, everything’s my fault.’

“Please, Hic.” Jack didn't know why he wanted it so desperately, why he needed to destroy himself. No, that wasn’t true. He knew why. Everything was his fault. He deserved this. He deserved to starve and have acid tear up his throat. He deserved every bruise, every blow, every sleepless night.

“No.”

“Hiccup … “

“I said no, Jack.”

Jack clenched his hands into fists, gritting his teeth. “I’ll learn by myself, then. You really think I can't do it? You really think I’m not strong enough?”

“It’s not about strength-”

“Yes it is! I should NEVER have trusted you!” Jack turned to walk away, ridiculous tears stinging his eyes. He shouldn’t be upset, he shouldn’t feel anger, but he did. Hiccup didn’t think he was strong enough, didn’t think Jack would be able to do it, didn’t think Jack was capable of such self discipline. The first person he’d trusted with his secret and Hiccup couldn’t even share his own secret with Jack. 

“Jack!” Hiccup grabbed his wrist and Jack felt chains, felt iron encasing his bones. “Why do you want this?”

Jack tried to yank his wrist from the other’s grasp, but he held firm, staring at Jack, waiting for an answer.

“I want...to be perfect.” Jack couldn't meet Hiccup’s eyes. 

“This isn’t perfect, Jack. This is Hell.” Hiccup sounded so genuine that Jack wanted to slap him.

“You don’t understand, Hiccup. I need to be skinny, I need to be better, I -” He stopped short when Hiccup caressed his side, squeezing his angular ribcage through the too loose fabric.

“Is that why you’re like this? Is that why I can feel your ribs through your shirt?” He asked softly, tracing Jack’s ribs with barely there hands. Jack shivered, only used to being touched by hands that meant him harm. “When’s the last time you ate?”

There was silence as Jack bit his tongue, willing the pain to ground him, to keep his secrets inside. “A full meal? Saturday.” And he couldn't help but feel a little, twisted swell of pride, knowing his father would enjoy the way his hipbones protruded from his skin, would revel in the way Jack was hurting himself.

“Today is Tuesday, Jack.” 

The near albino nodded. There was a heavy silence.

“I’ll make you a deal. If you start eating at least two meals a day, I’ll teach you how, okay? You can’t throw it all back up though. Can you agree to that?” Hiccup had let go of him now, looking at him with concerned jade eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah.”

Hiccup didn’t see when Jack crossed his fingers.

\-------------

Jack and Hiccup stood side by side in a single bathroom stall, lock clicked into place, just in case someone walked in.

“Okay. So you just … “ Hiccup knelt before the toilet and mimicked sticking his fingers down his throat. “Nothing’ll come up for me since I just did it, but if you down far enough there’s, like, this certain muscle and… yeah. It’s hard your first time, but it gets easier, I guess. Please, though … “ Hiccup stood, just below eye level with Jack. “It’s dangerous and i don't want … I don't want you to get hurt.”

Jack nodded and wondered why and how Hiccup could care for someone as vile as himself. He, who had watched the brunette get tormented and had done nothing about it.

Jack copied Hiccup’s actions, kneeling and carefully edging his fingers down the column of his throat. The disembodied voice of Hiccup floated through the air. “I don’t know how much will come up for you, since you don’t eat.”

Jack gagged, muscles spasming and lungs contracting but nothing but spit came out. It reminded him of something he didn’t want to think about. It would be worth it, though. He would be skinny and small and fragile and perfect. He tried three more times in a silence broken only by his jagged coughs.

“Jack… “ Hiccup warm hand ( suffocating, burning him ) touched his shoulder.

“No! I have to do this! I will do this!” He wasn't weak, he wouldn't back down, he would do this, he would do this. He stuck his fingers down farther than he would have thought possible, nearly three quarters of his hand shoved roughly down his throat. He gagged again, and then tasted bile as everything inside him spilled back up the way it had gone down.

“Guess there was something in there.” Hiccup commented.

“I had an apple this morning.” Jack replied, shame coloring his voice, as if he had somehow disappointed the other boy.

Hiccup knelt next to him, and Jack could hear the tears in his voice when he spoke. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have showed - “

“Thank you.” Jack interrupted, meeting Hiccup’s gaze.

And then Hiccup closed the space between them, warm ( burning ) lips pressed against his own.

Jack froze and then Hiccup was gone, footsteps echoing in the empty room, leaving Jack to wonder if he’d ever see the freckled boy again. If he would once more, be, truly, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup is making bad decisions. Mostly because Jack is a blackmailing asshole. Even I'm not sure where this story is going. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! I love you all <3


	12. In The Name Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack spends the night at Hiccup's and wakes up asking some very disturbing question.
> 
> tw: barely there light mentions of rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be your keeper for life as your guardian  
> I'll be your warrior of care your first warden  
> I'll be your angel on call, I'll be on demand  
> The greatest honor of all, as your guardian
> 
> \- 'Guardian', Alanis Morissette

Hiccup woke up first. As light slowly seeped color into the once dark room, he studied Jack, sprawled out on Hiccup’s rough bed while Hiccup occupied the chair. Jack was beautiful in sleep. Part of his ever present mask fell away, and for once, no fake, too cheery smile adorned his elfin features. There was something else, too. A less guarded look, muscles relaxed and face smooth. Every so often, though, Jack’s hands would clench into fists, his body would tense, his eyes squeezing more tightly shut, as if that could block whatever nightmarish vision he was having. Hiccup watched in silence.

After a while, Jack started to stir, slowly reconnecting with reality. Hiccup waited patiently, not wanting to startle the surely skittish boy. Drowsily, Jack opened his eyes, barely a slit of blue before they shot wide, his body suddenly rigid with something resembling fear. He scrambled to a sitting position, hands twisting the sheets into knots as his eyes darted around the room, finally landing on Hiccup’s concerned face.

“Hi- Hiccup? Where - why - ?” His words were jagged as broken glass, his breath coming out in short gasps. 

“Shh, shh. It’s okay, you're okay.” Hiccup rose from the chair he’d previously been seated on, carefully approaching Jack as if he were a wild animal, prone to flee at any moment. He reached out to put a hand over Jack’s, but the white haired boy shied away, shrinking back into the wall. Hiccup pulled his hand away. “You’re at my house. I went to go get you a drink of water and when I came back you were passed out on the bathroom floor. I couldn't leave you there and i couldn't … I couldn't let you go home. Not now… You were in and out of consciousness and you were really tired so i just, just let you rest. That’s all you missed.”

There was a moment of silence before Jack spoke. “We didn’t …do anything else?” Hiccup watched his adam’s apple bob as he gulped.

He didn't understand, only responding with a confused look in Jack’s direction. Jack’s hands wound tighter in the sheets, his eyes darting away from Hiccup’s. 

“What, Jack?” He asked slowly. He truly had no idea what Jack was asking about. What, did he think Hiccup had forced a feeding tube down his throat, pumped drugs into his veins?

“I … “ Jack still wasn't looking at him. “Y’know. You, me … the bed…”

“Jack, I don’t - holy shit!” Realization hit him like a brick to the face. “Oh my god, Jack! Do you really think we had sex? What do you think I am, some somnophiliac rapist? Seriously? I can't believe - “ Hiccup took a deep breath, even though it trembled in his lungs. Some strange mix of anger and sadness tightened his chest, making his vision go a little black at the edges ( or maybe that was the lack of nutrition, he couldn't be sure ). Did Jack really think Hiccup would rape him? Did he really think so little of him, think he was no more than a sex crazed teenage boy? Hiccup tried not to take it personally, told himself that Jack didn't trust anybody, but it still HURT. Hiccup stilled his shaking hands, took another deep breath. “No, Jack. We did not have sex.” 

The way Jack’s shoulders slumped in relief drove an iron spike through Hiccup’s chest.

“Sorry.” Jack whispered, and Hiccup almost didn't hear it. It barely made a dent in his growing frustration. 

“Don’t you think you’d know if I fucked you? Wouldn't you be sore?” Jack shifted uncomfortably, pulling his legs into his chest, face slowly turning a pastel pink. He shook his head mutely. “So you don't think you’d be sore?” The words were bitter but Hiccup couldn't stop them from pouring from his lips. “And pray tell why that would be?” Jack stared at the sheets, shaking his head. 

“Jack…” Hiccup scolded sternly. Jack looked up with wide, innocent, fearful eyes. Hiccup sat on the bed and Jack flinched but didn't move away. “You’ve got to trust me, okay? Tell me.” Hiccup knew he was pushing it, pressing a little too hard, pulling a little too soon. But he was so close… he could practically feel Jack’s walls crumbling and the truth was right there and Hiccup wanted to taste it, wanted to know all he could before this moment, this budding relationship, slipped away like sand through fingertips. It was selfish, but it was what he wanted.

Jack hesitated before twisting his hands together, staring at the wrinkled sheets beneath him. “It’s because I’m not … I’m not…” He mumbled something unintelligible. 

“What?” Hiccup asked.

“I’m not a … a …. “

Hiccup put a hand over Jack’s and he froze, eyes going wide before linking his fingers with Hiccup’s. “You can tell me, Jack.”

Something flashed in Jack’s eyes and he wrenched his hand away from Hiccup’s, standing with hands balled into fists. 

“I’m not a virgin, okay?! Just stop asking about it!” Jack’s eyes blazed in fury, mixed with shining tears.

“Jack, I - I’m sorry, i didn't know -”

“Nevermind. I don't want to talk about it.”

Silence infected the air, deadly as any contagion. Hiccup bit back his questions, tapping his fingers on the mattress in agitation. “We should leave for school.” Hiccup finally said.

“Yeah.” Jack agreed, although he didn't move.

“C’mon, bud.” Hiccup stood, once more linking their hands, quickly planting a kiss on Jack’s lips just because he wanted to, just because he was craving that ever addictive taste of companionship. Jack didn't kiss back, nor did he push Hiccup away.

And for now, that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens... 
> 
> ie; jack has all the problems


	13. In The Name Of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel has a panic attack during gym, and Merida intervenes, making them the most unlikely of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're a one of a one  
> A one of a kind  
> That you only find once in a lifetime  
> Made to fit like a fingerprint  
> A code that clicks open a gold mine
> 
> -'Double Rainbow', Katy Perry

Rapunzel couldn’t breath. 

The air felt devoid of oxygen, full of poisoned water, infecting her lungs in waterlogged agony. She could hear her breathing; harsh and unsteady, rattling as it left her lungs. Even her hands trembled, the bones shaking as if the air were frigid, when in reality it was warm as a school full of over 700 students would be. 

Her she was, having a full blown panic attack during third period, while the rest of her class was fumbling with balls and bats in the gym. She was alone in the locker room, alone in more ways than one. Jamie was her only friend in this school. Sure, she’d had friends before, giggling, bright eyes, creative minds who shared the same interest as herself. They had all but forgotten her name though, hardly able to identify her in a crowd. Life doesn't stop when you’re admitted to a hospital. Life goes on, people move on, and you can't expect anyone to waste their time waiting for your return. She bore no ill will against them. She probably would have done the same.

She wasn't sure what had triggered the wave of panic that had nearly drowned her. Maybe it was the bustle of the hallways, or the screams of so many chattering voices, or the sickeningly thick smell of flowery perfume that permeated the locker room. The cause was irrelevant now, though; all that mattered was learning how to breathe again, how to function like a normal person. Except she wasn't normal. She was a freak, a nervous wreck that threatened to break at any moment. She was a bomb about to go off, a stopwatch ticking down, a disaster waiting to happen. 

In the corner of the locker room, a little alcove almost hidden by the lockers, she curled away, as if her skin and bones could shelter her from the terror that reared its head. She felt rather than heard the door open, feeling the vibrations of the floor while her ears filled with white noise. She tried to quiet her breathing, but each exhale still sounded like the sigh of a dying person, finally laying down to their eternal rest. She felt like an animal being stalked by a predator, silence her only advantage, and a weak one at that. She was a deer, waiting in anticipation, hidden within tall grasses. But she couldn't outrun the wolves, her predators, and so she stayed silent, counting the seconds as they pass. 

Rapunzel could hear the footsteps drawing closer, hears the tell tale squeak of sneakers to tile. Whoever it is, they’re close. Raw fear, fear, fear engulfs the blonde as she waits, ready to run even though there is nothing to run from. She curls tighter on herself, draws her limbs up tight.

Then, there is a person. A person dressed in comfortable sweat pants and short sleeves, multicolored sneakers on rather large feet, and curious eyes stands before her. The person has a head of flaming red hair. 

“Rapunzel?” Merida asked, placing her hands on her hips. “What are you doing down there? Don't tell me you're hiding because it’s gym.”

“I’m not.” Rapunzel muttered, looking away. “I just … I’m uh…” She trailed off, unable to think of a proper excuse.

“Panic attack?” Merida inquires. Rapunzel nods. “Panic attack.” Merida confirms to herself. “Well, c’mon then. Let’s get you some fresh air.” The redhead reaches down, grasping Rapunzel’s hand and pulling her to her feet.

“No!” Merida looks at her in surprise. Rapunzel rushes to explain herself. “There are too many people. I can't go out there.”

Merida frowns, throwing her hands up in the air. “Ye gods, girl, pull yourself together!” Her thick accent is more pronounced in her exasperation. “You have got to be able to be around other people, or you’ll never get anywhere in life. If you can't even spend time in class, what makes you think you’ll ever be able to leave home and support yourself?”

“I know, I know. But .. right now … I just can't !” 

“Of course you can.” Merida grabs her hand once more, tugging her toward the door. “Now let’s go out there and play some dodgeball!”

Rapunzel concedes, letting Merida pull her along. “On one condition. “ Merida nods, waiting. “You’ve got to be my friend.” Her smile is painfully bright. 

“Fine, princess.” Merida sighs out, rolling her eyes, although there is no malice in her tone. Rapunzel kicks her lightly. Merida just smiles. “That all you’ve got?”

And just like that, the two became unlikely friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really short ... sorry Rapunzel ... I have writers block.  
> Anyone want to suggest some good songs that I could put in the beginning notes? Leave a comment below! Thanks!


	14. In The Name Of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie starts a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It started out as a feeling  
> Which then grew into a hope  
> Which then turned into a quiet thought  
> Which then turned into a quiet word  
> And then that word grew louder and louder  
> Until it was a battle cry  
> I'll come back when you call me  
> No need to say goodbye  
> \- 'The Call', Regina Spektor

Jamie nervously bit his nails as he waited outside Merida's bar, struggling to resist the urge to scratch at the scabs that itched incessantly on his forearms. 

He'd convinced Rapunzel to come to the makeshift meeting, urging her to invite anyone she wanted and pass on the message. He wasn't exactly expecting a large turnout, but he hoped that someone besides Merida, Rapunzel and him would come. 

He was to wait outside for Rapunzel and anyone else to arrive, and then Merida would bring them inside somewhere. Jamie quietly prayed that she'd chosen a place that wasn't in the middle of a crowd of drunks. 

The night dew collecting on his bare skin made him shiver, and he rubbed his arms, trying to get the feeling back into them. It was then he saw a glint of gold, shining as it passed through a pool a streetlight. Seconds later Rapunzel emerged, the blonde girl flashing him her signature, friendly smile, though her eyes showed the barest hint of concern. 

"So, uh... Is this the place?" She asked. Jamie could tell she was trying to disguise her unease about the location. 

"Yeah!" Jamie answered brightly, pretending he didn't notice her discomfort. "So, did you invite anyone?" 

Rapunzel visibly brightened, enthusiasm plain in her voice. "Oh, yeah! I invited Hiccup and he invited his boyfriend."

Before Jamie could ask the questions running through his mind, Hiccup himself stepped out of the shadows, looking rather cross. "You are the opposite of subtle, Punzie."

"And we're not boyfriends," another voice added, identifiable as Jack's once he emerged from behind Hiccup, gripping the freckled boy's hand so tightly it looked almost painful. Jamie blinked at them dumbly, looking from their faces to their interlocked hands. Jack immediately dropped Hiccup's hand, crossing his arms over his chest instead. "Not boyfriends," he repeated firmly. 

"Um okay..." Jamie stated awkwardly, looking between the three of them. "Did, uh, did you guys invite anyone?"

"No," Hiccup and Jack chorused. 

"Okay, great!" Jamie exclaimed, trying to diffuse the obvious tension. "So now we just uh... I guess we just wait-"

"I'M HERE!" Merida shouted, rounding the corner, then going silent. Jamie cringed, his ear drums throbbing in pain. He was surprised when he didn't hear anything more from the girl, turning to find her death-glaring at Jack. Jack seemed unperturbed by this, his face blank and emotionless. "What is HE doin' here?" She hissed at Jamie, malice evident in her tone.

"Hiccup invited me," Jack replied calmly.

"Did I ask ye'? No. So shut yer mouth and go back to whatever rich daddy ye' came from."

Jamie didn't miss the way Jack stiffened, or the way Hiccup turned, lightning quick, to look at Jack in concern. 

"Merida." Jamie took a step closer to her, stepping between her and Jack. "Why can't he just stay? He's not gonna do anything. We're all friends here." 

The red head narrowed her eyes at him, and Jamie swore he heard a low growl. "Do ye' even know who he is? This is Jack Frost we're talking about!" Her Scottish accent became more pronounced as her rage grew. "Have ye' seen what he and his friends do ta kids?" 

"Hey!" Hiccup broke in, taking a step towards Merida. "Jack didn't actually do any of those things!" 

"Yer right, he didn't do anything! He sat back and watched!" Merida retorted hotly. 

Hiccup opened his mouth to say something, but Jamie cut him off, trying to placate the two. "Listen, guys, we're all here for a reason. Can we just stop lunging at each other's throats for one hour? Then we don't have to see each other ever again if we don't want to." He glanced between Merida and Hiccup. Hiccup nodded, while the redhead crossed her arms but kept her mouth shut. Out of the corner of his eye Jamie saw Jack nod as well, followed by Rapunzel's hum of agreement. Jamie exhaled in relief, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose like an irritated teacher. "Great. Okay, so, Merida, lead the way." 

Merida turned, heading into a side alley. "This way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses. Shoot me.


	15. In The Name Of Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I'm only human  
> And I bleed when I fall down  
> I'm only human  
> And I crash and I break down  
> Your words in my head, knives in my heart  
> You build me up and then I fall apart  
> 'Cause I'm only human  
> \- 'Human', Christina Perri

Merida led the others into a side alley, not looking back to see if they followed. She knew they would. 

Hidden in the inky shadows was a metal door, rust staining the edges in shades of orange. It was this door that she opened, giving the heavy metal a hearty push for the next person to catch. She heard Jamie grunt as the door's weight fell on him and couldn't bite back the grin that split her face. 

She hit the light switch as they walked in, a bare bulb flickering to life on the low ceiling. The room was concrete and bare, a few crates stacked in the corners and a door opposite where they had entered. A stack of black, plastic chairs sat in the corner, of which Merida took five and set them in a circle around one of the crates that had been put in the center of the room. 

When she finished she caught Rapunzel's quizzical look. "Storage room," Merida supplied helpfully. Still no one moved, all of them gathered at the entrance. "Well, sit down," the redhead said bluntly. She gestured at the chairs. "I won't lock ye in." 

Jamie was the first to sit, followed by Rapunzel, Hiccup, and a hesitant Jack, who somehow ended up sitting next to her. Merida shot him a none too subtle glare. She jerked a finger in Jack's direction. "How'd I end up sitting next to HIM?" 

She swore she saw Jamie take a deep breath before speaking like the absolute nerd he was. "Let's all just try to be nice to each other, okay?"

Merida crossed her arms but stayed silent, partly because she didn't want to incite a fight but mostly because she liked Jamie (moderately) and felt like he would start crying if she yelled at him. Nerd. 

"Okay, so um," Jamie looked around the circle, folding his hands in his lap. "Let's start with everyone's name and grade." 

"We're all in the same grade," Merida deadpanned, slinging one of her arms around the back of her chair. She ignored the threatening ( at least, she thought it was supposed to be threatening ) look the brunette cast at her. 

"Well," Jamie stated. "Unless you want to start with listing our mental ailments and instabilities, I thought it would be best to start with the simple concept of age." 

Had Merida been a less confident person, she might have felt offended by the condescending tone Jamie had adopted. But instead, she answered simply with, "I'd been fine with that." 

Jamie looked around the circle, seeming to debate for a moment. "Well, would everyone else be okay with that?" Reluctant head nods were passed around, except for Merida, who nodded so vigorously her flaming curls bounced. "Okay then... I'll start, I guess?" No one answered. "Right. Well." Another awkward silence permeated the air. "We'll go to my left."

"My name is Jamie Bennett and I uh... I ..." His brow furrowed and he exhaled in a pained sound that might have been laughter. "This is harder than I thought." Rapunzel patted his back sympathetically. He smiled quickly at her before continuing. "And I cut myself. On a fairly regular basis." He paused as everyone absorbed the information. He turned to Rapunzel. "Okay, your turn." 

The blonde sat up straighter, folding her hands together and smiling brightly at everyone. Merida suppressed a snort. "Hi, I'm Rapunzel," she exclaimed brightly. "And I have panic attacks." She said it like they were discussing the weather over tea and, although Merida loathed to admit it, it was pretty impressive. However, she then turned to Merida expectantly, and said girl proceeded to take whatever nice thoughts she'd had back and glower at her. 

"I am Merida. I like alcohol," she said impassively, turning to look at Jack. 

Jack looked back at her blankly, like he didn't understand what was going on. Then the expression faded, wiped away completely. "I'm Jack." And he stopped. 

There was silence as everyone stared expectantly at him. His sapphire eyes, however, remained trained on the dusty floor. "And...?" Merida prompted, tapping her foot once in impatience. 

Jack bit his lip so hard Merida saw the skin turn white. "And I don't eat...?" He said it like a question, glancing to Hiccup like he was asking for permission. 

Hiccup just shrugged and started to speak as the spotlight turned to him. "I'm Hiccup and I have bulimia, to put it scientifically." He stared at the others emotionlessly, as if daring them to challenge him. Compared to the weak kneed boy he was in school, he seemed uncharacteristically and oddly undaunted. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Merida saw Rapunzel lean towards Jamie, whispering something that was clearly heard by all of them because, apparently, Rapunzel didn't understand the concept of whispering. 

"What's bulimia?" The blonde haired girl stage-whispered. 

"It means I make myself throw up." Hiccup provided blankly.

Rapunzel immediately returned to her former position in her chair, sitting up straight and looking startled. "O-Oh...okay!" 

Merida valiantly fought the urge to bury her face in her hands and groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried.  
> The order is off but whatever.


	16. In The Name Of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack runs... home.  
> Trigger warning for physical abuse, negative thoughts, violence, and alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need more friends with wings  
> All the angels I know  
> Put concrete in my veins  
> I’d always walk home alone  
> So I became lifeless  
> Just like my telephone
> 
> There’s nothing to lose  
> When no one knows your name  
> There’s nothing to gain  
> But the days don’t seem to change
> 
> \- 'Nothing to Lose', Billy Talent

After the introduction everyone decided that they'd talked enough for one day and split, Jamie's promises of telling them about a next meeting echoing down the alley as they departed. 

Jack's skin itched, his nervousness starting to crawl from the pit of his stomach to claw at his throat, rendering him voiceless. Hiccup was saying something, but Jack wasn't paying attention, too engrossed in his own thoughts to care: He hadn't been home in 24 hours. He hadn't told his dad where he was going. He'd TOLD Hiccup about his dad, a decision he was regretting now. He cursed himself silently. It wasn't like things were that bad, right? I mean sure, he had a few bruises but at least he had a place to stay and someone to pay for his education. He should have just kept it to himself. He wasn't in mortal danger; so what he got punched? That happened to kids all the time. There was no reason Jack should be tattling to his friends about it. And now he'd probably just made things worse. His dad would be furious if someone came to investigate... And it wasn't like it was as bad as it could be. Some kids died from parental neglect or violence. Jack's situation wasn't so bad. It wasn't a big deal.  
Everyone would think he was overreacting anyway. They'd laugh at him for complaining and crying about a few bruises. He should just suck it up. There was no reason for him to reach out to people. 

"Hello? Hey, Jack!" Hiccup snapped his fingers in front of Jack's face, making the boy jump. 

"Wh- What?" Jack asked indignantly, despising the trembling of his voice. 

"Did you hear anything I said?" 

Jack looked away, watching their feet, moving in tandem, cast shadows across the sidewalk. 

"Jack -"

"I need to go home." 

"What?!" Hiccup spluttered. "What about your dad? Why don't you just stay with me? You're not -" 

"I'll be fine," Jack growled, turning away. "It'll just be worse the longer I stay away."

Hiccup grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. There was a desperate lilt to his voice when he spoke. "Then don't go back."

Jack brushed the brunet's hand off, his eyes becoming hard, the normally placid, liquid sapphire becoming pale, cold, and cracked like rapidly freezing ice. "I can't do that. I don't think you understand, Hiccup." He sneered. “There is no getting away. I can’t leave. There’s no use trying.” Hiccup opened his mouth as if to speak, but Jack cut him off. “Please, Hiccup.” He hated the pleading, trembling tone in his voice. “Just leave it. You’ll only make it worse.” 

Hiccup’s hurt expression almost made Jack take back his words, but the blackness stopped him. It always did. There were tendrils of black, of shadow creeping inside him, clouding his mind until all he could feel was the hopelessness, until all he could imagine was returning to that basement, lest something else send him to eternal and complete black. The darkness whispered things to him, told him there was no escape, told him that his only option was the bend to his father’s will. And, after so long with the blackness as his only companion, he listened. 

And so, just as Hiccup reached out to touch him, to pull him back to the light that burned, the light where his father would surely find him, Jack fled. He turned, looked up at the moonlit sky, and ran. 

Hiccup chased after him for a while, but Jack was faster. He was a jock, after all, wasn’t he? Besides, he knew these alleys. He’d been chased through them before. He knew from experience where the dead ends were, where the accumulated puddles hid his footprints. And so Hiccup faded, left behind as Jack raced toward the only place he’d ever called home. 

+

The house was silent. At least, that was what Jack thought before his ears registered the barely audible hum of the television. That was probably where his dad was. 

Avoiding the creaky floorboards ( of course Jack knew where they were; he needed to ) he crept toward the basement. Maybe if his dad found him there he wouldn't be as angry. 

He heard the springs of the couch squeal, the thump of heavy footsteps that he felt rattle in his bones. His heart jumped to his throat, filling his ears with the sound of rushing blood. 

Jack went still, stopped breathing and started praying, squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he could. 

A heavy, hot weight knocked him off his feet, the air becoming heavy with dread. 

Jack scrambled to his feet, keeping his eyes cast downward at his father's bare feet. "I'm sorry, Daddy," he gasped, tears welling in his eyes. Fear, potent, crippling fear gripped him. He wasn't even sure what it was that he was afraid of, if it was some painful blow or the possibility of death or being locked in that dark place again or drowning in heat; all he knew was that his father was the personification of his fears, every one of them, rolled into this monster of a man. 

He was shoved into the wall, pressed there by body weight as another hand forced his chin up until he met his father's dark eyes. "Where were you?" The looming figure growled. 

Jack couldn't breathe. His chest was tight, his rib cage shrinking, his lungs unable to fully expand and leaving fire to trace his body. "I'm sorry," he whispered, trembling. 

Pain exploded across the side of his face. "That's not an answer." 

Jack's breath hitched, catching as he held back the tears that begged to overflow. "I... I was... It wasn't..."

Another impact jarred his body into the wall, knocking his breath away. "Stop with the excuses, Jack. I want answers."

Jack couldn't lie to his father, but he didn't want to tell the truth. He did care for Hiccup; the boy had been kind to him, had listened to his whispered words. He didn't want to betray this single friend he'd made. 

"I... I was at the bar!" He yelled in panic, just as his father braced to hit him again. It wasn't a lie, really. It just wasn't the whole truth. 

His father smirked: a sharp toothed, frightening thing. "Oh? You want more? You haven't had enough?"

Jack wasn't sure what he meant, but he felt like his ribs were rotting away inside him, his chest caving in. 

Then glass was shoved to his lips, clinking against his teeth as the bitter taste of alcohol flooded his mouth, coating his tongue and making him gag. 

"No," he managed to choke out, spitting amber colored liquid on to his father's shirt. 

"You want more beer? You want to get drunk? C'mon, Jackie, what do you want?" His father taunted. 

"No!" Jack pushed at his father's broad chest, writhing in his attempts to escape.

"Then why were you at the bar?!" His father roared, spit spraying from his mouth. 

Jack didn't have time to answer before his feet were swept out from under him, his body hitting the ground with a violent crash. The glass bottle shattered next to his head and sharp shards sliced his cheeks, his forehead. His father kicked him, his thick boots sinking into the soft flesh of his stomach, the throbbing stretch of his ribs. Jack coughed, tried to inhale but couldn't, wheezing. Black spots crept over the edges of his vision, retreated, then returned. The pain bloomed inside him, spreading across his chest like fire. He struggled to drag himself away and was kicked back, his hand crushed beneath his father's heel. Splinters of glass pierced his palm, embedded in little slits of ruby colored pockets of pain. He waited, endured. 

His father tired eventually.

Jack slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update, yeah?


	17. To Be Supportive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Hiccup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're tied together  
> Travelling by ambulance  
> You arrest my heart  
> But I knew this from the start
> 
> Don't wanna be all alone  
> You can put me on life support  
> Throw away all the cards  
> You're the light in the dark
> 
> Burnt fingers won't recover  
> Won't recover any time soon  
> Light the fire let's run in to it  
> Run in to it  
> Don't wanna be saved
> 
> \- 'Travelling By Ambulance', Monarchy

Hiccup saw Jack at school the next day. He had a bandaid on his cheek but a few other scratches were still visible: two on the other side of his face, one that wasn’t covered by the bandage, one on his chin and a long slash that went diagonally across his forehead. All of them were shallow but had a raw, unhealed look to them. His hands, Hiccup noticed, were also injured, ace bandages wrapping over Jack's knuckles and palm. 

Hiccup wanted to run over and hug him, kiss those bandages until the wounds were healed, but Jack was with his friends. Not the strange conglomeration of misfits that Hiccup had welcomed him into, but the athletic, callous boys; they were all tall, most of them blonde, talking loudly and taking up too much space in the hallway. Hiccup knew it wasn't his place to intervene. 

So he watched them pass by in silence, pressing his body into the lockers when they walked past so they wouldn't walk over him. He caught Jack's attention for just a moment and Hiccup thought he saw a smile, but it was gone as quickly as it came and he was left staring after that head of stark white hair and azure hoodie. 

\----

At lunch Hiccup picked at his food even though his stomach was screaming at him to just eat. His mind, however, was deathly silent. He could hear nothing except the muted, sharp beat of his mechanical heart. 

He was sitting with Jamie and Rapunzel now, after they'd invited him over, and they were engrossed in some enthusiastic conversation about a book Hiccup had never read. To distract himself from the gnawing hunger in his gut he started to sketch in his math notebook, a dragon beginning to materialize between variables and parentheses. 

He did that until the bell rang, taking one last look at his uneaten food before dropping it in the trash. He saw the look of disapproval that Rapunzel shot him. 'Too bad you didn't notice when you actually could have done something,' he thought bitterly. But the emotion didn't get past the surface of his consciousness. He felt like he was floating in some cloud of distortion. He was watching everything from a distance, an astral projection hovering above the overwhelming slew of emotions that normally drowned him. Everyone around him was irrelevant, a hallucination that he knew would disappear as soon as he reached out to touch it. 

He didn't notice the heavy sound of footsteps behind him, didn't hear the jeers tossed at him in deep, rough voices. He didn't even feel the first hand, the one that gripped his shoulder in a vice and whirled him around. Then he was surrounded by people, by boys who towered above him in bricks of muscle and malice. He tried to back away but was met with another wall of bodies behind him. He tried to speak but the words were whispers that no one could hear. 

He let it happen. 

He felt the pain dully, through layers of thick disconnect. He didn't hear what they said at all. 

At the edge of his vision he thought he saw two bright circles of blue, but he couldn't be sure he'd seen it among the bursts of white light behind his eyes. He saw in sharp detail a bandaged hand near bluish lips, teeth gnawing at the short, jagged nails. 

“Guys, stop.”

It was Jack’s voice. 

Hiccup was confused. This wasn’t… this wasn’t something Jack was supposed to do - not in school. Jack was supposed to be the pretender, the fake smile on a handsome face. But he was standing up to these people… for Hiccup? It didn’t make sense. 

He heard muttering between the lead boy and Jack, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. The circle of people expanded, then disappeared. Hiccup felt himself get tugged to his feet. 

The world snapped back into focus, the haze he’d been in suddenly evaporating before the bright, stark concern on Jack’s face. The pain registered, too. A dull ache split his ribcage and there was a throbbing in his left hand. 

“Are you okay?” Jack was asking, his hands hovering in the air between them. 

“What? Oh! Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I’m good.” Hiccup studied Jack’s face, then, examining the thin scratches and thick bandages. He didn’t hesitate to grab Jack’s hand, tenderly cupping his face with his other hand. “What happened to you?” 

Jack brushed his touch away, eyes darting around the halls to make sure no one saw them. “Don’t do that in school!” He hissed, teeth catching on his lower lip. He didn’t answer the question. 

“Look, Jack-” The brunette pleaded.

“No.”

Hiccup frowned. “If you would just-”

“No! We’re not having this conversation again.” Jack crossed his arms defensively. 

“You’re not safe there!” Jack looked away. “Please… I can’t… I can’t keep letting you go back there. You come back every day with more bruises. You don’t - you don’t deserve this! You deserve so much better! Just let me help you… please.”

They stood in silence, but Hiccup thought that maybe he could see the cogs turning in his mind, maybe there was a chance that this time Jack would actually listen. 

Jack looked up at him and Hiccup stared back expectantly. 

After a long sigh, Jack said one word. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol these chapters are so short help me


	18. To Be Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel and Merida chill. Jamie's there too, but mostly Rapunzel and Merida.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've got it all  
> You lost your mind in the sound  
> There's so much more  
> You can reclaim your crown  
> You're in control  
> Rid of the monsters inside your head  
> Put all your faults to bed  
> You can be king again  
> \- 'King,' Lauren Aquilina

Rapunzel sat outside with Jamie, watching a group of kids play ultimate frisbee while Jamie did his math homework. They both had a free period right now and had decided to go to the cafeteria from which they were released to the outdoors for a few minutes of fresh air. 

 

It felt good to be outside, soaking up the sunshine and breathing clean, crisp air that tasted like water and life. 

 

Rapunzel was perfectly content to just sit there and take in the scene, but before she knew what what's happening a bundle of fiery curls collapsed beside her. She turned to see Merida grinning back at her. “Hey, princess.” 

 

“... Hi,” Rapunzel managed, mouth twitching into a smile. 

 

“Hey, Jamie,” Merida called, leaning back a little to glimpse the brunette. 

 

“Hey,” Jamie replied without looking up from his notes. 

 

Rapunzel fiddled with a strand of her hair, chest going tight as she tried to work up the courage to speak. “How… was your day?” she tried tentatively, almost immediately berating herself for such a trite topic starter. 

 

Merida didn't seem to care, though, as she started in with “oh, ye wouldn’ believe this lass tha started someth’n wit me,” her accent getting thicker and her language getting more colorful as she retold the story. 

 

Rapunzel tried to pay attention, but her fingers were becoming increasingly tangled in a stubborn knot in her hair that refused to come loose. A tickle of frustration itched inside her chest, tendrils of anxiety trickling into the mix to make the harmless knot just important enough to be intolerable. 

 

Merida must have noticed her distress, because after a minute she fell silent and fixed Rapunzel with a quizzical look. “D’ya need some help over there, blondie?” 

 

Rapunzel gave a last futile tug before dropping her hands. “Maybe,” she mumbled, picking at the grass. 

 

“C’mere,” Merida said, gesturing to the space in front of herself. Rapunzel fished a hairbrush out of her bag, shuffling over to sit in front of the redhead and handing her the brush. “Of course the princess carries a hairbrush in her bag,” Merida scoffed, but Rapunzel thought she could hear a hint of affection in her words. Merida started working on the knot first, delicate fingers working so carefully that Rapunzel barely felt a thing. After she’d worked the knot into a more manageable state, Merida ran the brush through the strands before laying the segment over Rapunzel's shoulder. She sectioned off locks of blonde hair one piece at a time, separating the brushed and unbrushed hair. 

 

Merida was gentle, sweet, and a spark of warmth burst to life in Rapunzel’s chest, growing and glistening as she sat in the sun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure where I want to go with this story, so I thought I'd ask you guys, the readers, for some input. Would you rather have Jack and Hiccup stay together or have Jack and Jamie end up together? Also, if anyone has a particular scene they want to see, feel free to comment it below!

**Author's Note:**

> First aooo fanfic ever! Someone celebrate with me!... no? okay...


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